The Queen of Sex & Death: Bondage Gear as Casual Wear
I can’t open a fashion rag without seeing something “bondage inspired” — it’s a really cool concept up until you run into the first rejected Lip Service model out in public.
You CAN wear bondage gear as casual clothing. You CAN wear it to the movies or the mall or dinner with Grammy. What you should first be doing is asking yourself if you SHOULD. Part of loving yourself involves not going out looking like a Cenobite. It’s going to take a lot of — ahem — restraint to pull off this look without giving your relatives a collective heart attack or being tailed by mall security.
Try to limit yourself to one, maybe two themed pieces. Go ahead and wear those corset-laced booties with a simple waist cincher. Pair a strappy top with a choker, but keep the doggy collar and cuffs in the bedroom. Minimize the amount of shiny, buckled shit in your outfit, and surround those pieces with natural fabrics in a neutral shade. Skip the full-body latex catsuit in favor of PVC or leather panels. Try not to clink too much when you’re walking down the street. Tone it down. If you’re wondering to yourself if your outfit is too much, err on the side of toning it down more.
Pick one focal piece or a theme and stick to it. S&M is actually very introspective and mental at its root; try to be inspired by concepts and suggestions rather than hardware and shiny surfaces. You can get hints of shibari across with twisted or wrapped fabrics, or notes of corsetry in laced-up casual wear. If you want to add some limited hardware to your existing wardrobe, get to Home Depot and root through the tubs of bits — stitch them on with embroidery thread for extra strength. Something as simple as one heavy O-ring can bring out an item’s inner Marquis.
Bondage gear for your lower half is pretty limited, because how often are you wearing pants when you’re having kinky sex? Seriously. Mix and match your fetishes with subtle hints of sexy librarian or just breaking out your old school kilt, or go for some shiny leggings or even leather jeans. (Every metalhead needs a pair of leather jeans. Seriously, you can’t help but feel like a magnificent warrior in them.) If you’re pairing it with something else fetish-inspired, go subtle — if not, load up on the buckles and straps, because it’ s generally unexpected below the belt.
Waist cinchers can really dress things up with a corset-y vibe; a wide belt works for this, too. Grab a superhero belt for a futuristic warrior look, or go with saddle construction to evoke pony play! Wear them at your waist, or sling them around your hips with a fitted top to add some depth to an outfit.
Shoes can make or break this. A suggestive-but-flattering outfit can be totally broken by over-the-top or underwhelming footwear. I’m not suggesting you go out in ponygirl boots or vinyl stilettos, but a pair of motorcycle or combat boots are both versatile and old-school leather scene.
How about accessories? What did I say about leaving your handcuffs in the bedroom? (I make one exception for this, and it’s for punks who are still wearing the real! police issue! handcuffs that they were arrested in last week.) Lots of things can bring the bondage — simple knots and straps, conjoined pieces, keyholes and O-rings, and wide chokers that mimic the look of posture collars. Choose accessories that hint at, rather than scream about, the concept of restriction.
Some folks are more than happy to wear steel-boned corsets underneath cardigans or blazers all year ’round and be happy; I am not one of those people. If you’re like me and require a mobile torso to get anything done, opt for a tube top with a sweetheart neckline in place of the hardware. The boning matters less if you’re using your corset as a layering piece, so ignore the waspy waistline and let your beer belly breathe!
Try pairing your tied-up outfits with a sleek, high ponytail or tight braid to continue with your theme, or a smooth A-line. Alternately, wear your hair loose, wavy, and tousled for contrast. (I recommend avoiding pigtails paired with schoolgirl kilts, though, or you may end up cast for To Catch A Predator…)
Finally, don’t forget that all of these rules go straight out the window when you’re going to a fetish-themed event, pride parade, or when you feel like shaking everything up enough to go out dressed like a chic dominatrix. Let ‘er rip with those latex pointe thigh-high boots and try not to annoy everyone with your clanking!
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February 10th, 2010 - 01:20
“Waist cinchers can really dress things up with a corset-y vibe;”
Why go for the vibe and just wear a corset? Hell, I do that all the time!
February 10th, 2010 - 07:36
Well my corset doesn’t see a lot of “casual” wear, because it squashes my beer belly and gets itchy/sweaty in the summer — I do know a bunch of people that can pull it off comfortably. :) You look totally bangin’ in yours, though, I don’t think I’ve seen another guy who wasn’t David Bowie pull one off. (Envy!)
February 11th, 2010 - 18:12
Of course you realize that when I see you in March, you’ll need to wear yours. :colbert:
Thank you for the compliment! The only people who don’t like it are men. Since I don’t care if men find me attractive or not, it’s not really much of a loss.