positivelyBLEAK Grinning back into the abyss.

Deaf Metal

Day 660 — ER 20 by xJasonRogersx

Let’s talk about your ears.

No seri­ously, they’re just about the most impor­tant part of being a met­al­head. They’re also prob­ably the most abused part of every met­al­head (except for you hard­core kids, you guys really need to watch out for your teeth in those pits). So why don’t more people take care of them?

When I was a col­lege stu­dent, I was really excited to see a mini pow­er­noize fes­tival at a wee venue over in club-​kid ter­ri­tory. A few local acts opened, Karlheinz had a brief set, and then William Bennett showed up to head­line — the show was sup­posed to be Whitehouse, but some­where along the line, Bennett decided that he didn’t need backup and just strolled on stage, lit a cig­a­rette while the bar staff begged him to put it out, kicked an ampli­fier into life, booted an effects pedal across the stage, and just…screeeamed. For twenty min­utes, at which point his cig­a­rette went out and he stalked off stage, through the crowd, and out the front door.

Where was I? Right. Next. To the big ampli­fiers. Thanks to the crush of people in the itty-​bitty bar, my left ear was prac­ti­cally pressed up against it. I was pleased as hell when I secured that spot, but the days post-​show were a haze of tin­nitus and screaming “WHAT?!” into my phone over and over again. It wasn’t until I went in for a checkup a few months later that I learned that Mr. Bennett had done per­ma­nent damage to my hearing. My doc told me to get some earplugs and wear them to loud shows (is there any other kind?) or it’ll only get worse.

The venues around here all sell cone-​shaped safety orange foam earplugs that cost $1 and go flying out of your ear canal if you attempt to head­bang. It’s better than nothing, if you’re really into standing stock-​still and con­tin­u­ally twisting bits of neon marsh­mallow into your ear, but they have an awk­ward muf­fling effect on sound — it’s like lis­tening to a con­cert from beneath a heavy blanket.

Worse yet are the putty earplugs — you basi­cally get a dollop of Silly Putty-​esque mate­rial on a card­board sheet, warm them up by rub­bing them between your hands, and then roll them into a shape approx­i­mating that of your ear and jam them in there. Everything gets muf­fled, and if you’re not careful, they’ll seal over your ears, giving you that weird in-​ear pop­ping effect each time you swallow. The worst part? They always leave little par­ti­cles of putty in my ears after I’ve pulled them out. Gross.

I’ve used Hearos Hi-​Fi earplugs; they’re afford­able, re-​usable, usu­ally sold in drug stores so I can replace lost ones easily, and they con­form to the ear without being so squishy that you have to con­tin­u­ally mash them back in. I can head­bang rel­a­tively well in these, but I lost my last pair by wind­milling — they went soaring out of my ears with the side-​to-​side move­ment. You can still hear every­thing with them in, none of that fuzzy, muf­fled sound here, but I think they could be a touch better on the hearing pro­tec­tion front; they lose some func­tion­ality in small venues, where you will inevitably be shoved up against an amp like I was.

EarLoves are get­ting a lot of buzz lately, and with good reason — they are a one-​size-​fits-​all take on custom-​molded musician’s earplugs that nor­mally cost upwards of $150 a pop. These are afford­able and work by reducing overall noise levels, so you can hear the music and your friends’ voices, and even buy a drink without screaming your order at the bar­tender. Um, and best of all? They come in a bunch of cute colors. I’m ordering myself a pair of purple ones, awww!

The gen­eral shape seen here is what I’d rec­om­mend for any­body attending a show, big or small, but last word? If you’re going to make a career out of it, con­sider investing in custom-​molded musician’s earplugs.

Try a few dif­ferent types until you find the one that’s most com­fort­able for you — you’re not going to wear them if they aren’t comfy — and for your own sake, remember to wear them!!