positivelyBLEAK Grinning back into the abyss.

On Dressing For the Frozen Wastelands

Boston was just treated to its first snow­fall of the season, and it has frozen over every­thing. This is my favorite time of year in terms of the view; this town was made to have an icy layer over it. Unfortunately, it also means pulling on my boots and attempting to half-​slide, half-​walk down the hill where I live when­ever I want to leave the house. (Every winter, I swear that I will never live on a hill again, and every time I move, I forget and end up picking yet another apart­ment on yet another hill. Someone help!)

As com­pelled as you may be to stay put under a pile of blan­kets with a big mug of spiked hot choco­late until spring, you’re even­tu­ally going to have to leave the house to go to work or the liquor store or walk the dog. Here are some of my picks for a func­tional winter wardrobe that you won’t be ashamed to wear outside!

Winter coats are a tricky thing — since it’s out­er­wear and you’ll be wearing it all winter, you’ve got to pick out a coat that you love. On the other hand, since you’ll be wearing it all winter, it needs to be weath­er­proof, rel­a­tively neu­tral, and match most of what’s already in your closet.

In a per­fect world, I’d be able to throw a bearskin over my shoul­ders, do up the clasp, and storm out into the frozen tundra…but I think I would catch some stares, if not a bucket of paint from the nearest PETA rep. This was my second choice, in a rich choco­late; trag­i­cally, it’s no longer made in that col­orway. My poor mother went shop­ping with me last year, and I must have tried on four dozen coats before she found this one that fit my ideal winter jacket spec­i­fi­ca­tions: it can’t itch, bunch, or shed, and it needs to cover my tush and have roomy pockets.

Your coat selec­tion is going to depend on what you ask of it. Some people want lots of pockets, or a coat with some wiggle room so they can fit more layers under­neath. A long coat — remember, longer than knee-​length starts to look mall­goth tacky — might be prefer­able if you walk or ride public trans­porta­tion a lot; they also tend to look bril­liant on tall women. Cyclists and dri­vers might choose a shorter jacket, so it doesn’t bunch when you sit down or lean for­ward. Those with an eye for drama and a less-​frigid clime might wish to try out a heavy cloak — as long as you don’t end up looking like an extra from Lord of the Rings. Northerners (like me!) should already know that you need a coat with a good, wind­proof lining and a water­proof shell.

If you nor­mally wear a lot of black, con­sider an inter­esting color or print to dis­tract from the dreary gray surroundings.

I tried to pick a bunch of dif­ferent styles and price points here, including some styles that are bat­shit expen­sive but lovely inspi­ra­tion (if I say “Gareth Pugh leather coat” three times while clicking my bootheels together, will I get one?), as well as some that the subculturally-​minded may not ini­tially try on, like the bottle-​green car coat or the glo­ri­ously loud spotted Mackintosh there. Military– or biker-​inspired touches can really toughen up an oth­er­wise innocuous piece.

Snow and ice are dreary enough on their own, so I like a little insanity in my acces­sories. My absolute musts are a warm set of stretchy gloves, knee-​high socks, my beloved rabbit-​fur ushanka with the flaps down over my ears, and a long scarf that can either fly dra­mat­i­cally in the breeze or wrap around my face. Loud animal prints, unex­pected intarsia, sparkles, skele­tons, pom-​poms — turn some heads! You can always swap out your elec­tric green beanie for some­thing more muted when you don’t feel like people staring at you.

Now’s a great time to start knit­ting a weird new pat­tern or learning to silkscreen if you want to make some­thing one-​of-​a-​kind. If you can swing the high price, snap up a pair of soft lamb­skin or calf­skin gloves, a fur cap, mit­tens lined with angora, or a cash­mere scarf — all of these things feel so luxe and warm, treating your­self to one can make dressing for the cold less soul-​deadening.

What’s your favorite part of dressing for the winter?

(PS: today is the fifth anniver­sary of Dimebag’s demise. Let us mourn together.)