Sink or Swim « positivelyBLEAK

20Apr/108

Sink or Swim

After a day of hobbling around work (and S. being such a gentleman about wheeling me to the sports medicine doc), I learned that my amazing bubblegum running shoes are actually hurting my joints. I have to take a few weeks off of the Couch-to-5k program (I actually cried at this, I’m obviously hooked) and get some new kicks with more support. In the meantime, I get to focus on yoga and — perfect timing for my trip next week — swimming! I’ll be hitting the pool over the beach; I’ve read too much Lovecraft to spend too much time in the ocean. Really, the only differences are sand in your suit and chlorine on your hair. But swimsuit shopping ain’t easy, especially if you’ve had a long, hot-cocoa-filled winter like mine — turning into Cathy is most un-metal. It’s also a huge bitch to find a suit that isn’t either flowery or boring! Here are a few of my favorites:

I love a good one-piece suit; they’re the best for running around on the sand, playing chicken in the water, or whatever you want to get up to without losing your top. I’m not commonly a fan of the monokini — they do no favors to my hips — but they are a unique option if you can pull them off. I love the print and function of the one pictured here. Solid suits need a wake-up: a keyhole cut and a ruffle on an all-black suit, draping on the silver suit help out a beer belly and cut a great hourglass, and will you look at that awesome, geometric high neckline?! Who cares about freaky tanlines when you’ve got a suit that looks like a spider wove it?

Halter suits can give a cute retro-50s vibe, and a loud or modernized print can save it from teetering too far into rockabilly territory. (And hey, pink leopard print for the hair metal fanatics!)

Boring bikinis suck. Sure, it’s super easy to pick up a solid black two-piece and call it a day, but why blend in when you can find totally sweet details? I’ve seen sugar skull prints a lot lately, and love them — I scooped up a black halter bikini with skulls and roses printed all over, complete with little skull beads, on the clearance rack and love it. An undead balconet bikini with a brains-craving stare coming straight off your rack? Loud and probably tacky, but how unbeatable is that? I love the unusual, almost bustier cut on the floral bikini here, too — it’s kind of like wearing a corset to the beach, and the print is dark and feminine.

Again, a halter neck goes a long way for pushing up some cleavage and providing lots of support while splashing around in the tidepools (or doggy-paddling to the floating bar for another Jack & Coke).

You don’t have to stretch out and get sunburned on an old bath towel; there’s a line of beach towels out with prints by the legendary artist and gig poster designer Raymond Pettibon to add some scene cred to your lounge chair. Don’t skimp on the sunblock — I stick to SPF 30 when I’m just hanging around, SPF 45 or higher if I’m going to be in the sun. Tying bandannas over tattoos helps me keep the linework crisp; goofy tan lines are temporary, tattoo damage is permanent! If yours are in a difficult place to wrap, consider using the highest SPF you can manage, or putting a sticker or even taping gauze over your ink. Sun does horrifying things to even the best work!

Pop on some dramatic sunglasses, toss your payload of sunscreen and smuggled beer into a big canvas totebag, and round up your friends for some Marco-Polo, because you’re gonna have to cool off somehow this summer.

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lilah wild
April 20th, 2010 - 19:23

Oh good lord. The Iron Fist one is hilarious. Although I like the vagina dentata implication with the teeth on the panties. My guess is that they’re probably going to sell a lot of these since the zombie heels went like mad, and they match perfectly for the undead-pinup-by-the-beach look.

I really like that corset bikini, but one big wave and it’s all over. I’d love to find something like that in pitch black with some straps.
E. Bleak
April 20th, 2010 - 19:39

I’ve never seen Iron Fist stuff until recently, I get a big kick out of their casual gear. You’re right about one thing — it does have a very “Teeth” vibe. :3

I am convinced that strapless bikinis were never meant to actually get wet; they are strictly designed for looking stunning while lounging with a margarita.
Nastia
April 21st, 2010 - 20:00

Probably won’t sport the zombie one, but if I could find the the first one from the right as a separate, I’d definitely buy it. Also, the second one from the right must leave funny white lines if the owner spends too much time sunbathing.
diva
April 21st, 2010 - 22:34

i find tattoo wear and tear endearing and sunblock repulsive but i’m not planning on a long life
Beth
April 21st, 2010 - 22:43

Is there a way you can sue the maker of the bubblegum shoes for being not-so-amazing and hurting your joints?
E. Bleak
April 22nd, 2010 - 08:07

Hah, I wish — they are actually good shoes for people with normal feet. I might just go ahead and sue my parents for having a child with flat feet and weak joint, though!

I’m actually trading shoes via mail with like, the most hardcore triathlete I’ve ever talked to so we’ll see what she thinks of ‘em. (She has neutral feet and bought over-pronator shoes, so she has the opposite problem as I do, ha!)
E. Bleak
April 22nd, 2010 - 08:09

Oh mademoiselle, you never know — but there is definitely a “look” around the faded tattoo and some pull it off. I’m a little OCD about my linework going fuzzy, but that’s probably because it’s ALL linework.
E. Bleak
April 22nd, 2010 - 08:11

Definitely; I feel like the crazy tan lines are part of the charm. (But hell, the monokini was huge last season and I can only imagine the weird half-moons you’d get on your hips from that!)

Honestly, I’m not much of a tanner — more of a burner — so, for me at least, tan lines take a lesser priority to looking rad while hunting through tidepools. ;)